This isn't going to be easy but I'm still decided on doing it. Telling why I am nuts.
For most people saying why they're nuts is about saying how extreme they are. I wish I was extreme. In fact a lot of people also think they're nuts because they're full of deep depressive thoughts that haunt their days and control their nights. However I'm pretty happy and not worried about things longer than it takes me to look at things in their true light and readjust my perspective back to the rose-tinted setting.
Some people think they're nuts because they can't deal with ordinary every-day life which everyone else seems so busy with doing very well and fast. Although this is also true for me I tend to view others who are already more successful than me as high achievers who needed to succeed to make themselves feel good, whereas I'm happy with a choice between two different types of bread for breakfast.
For yet others, being nuts is about doing things for no reason at all. In this definition maybe I can most comfortably reside on my throne of Nuttingdom. I'm obsessed with making myself happy, I mean obsessed. I look for any angle, perspective, route/plan, shortcut, trick, maneuver
to be an inch closer to tingles in my scalp. No matter what it takes. This might seem selfish (it sounds it to me) but I'm also aware that making other people happy makes me happy too. Of course, if it was just me and someone else on a desert island, and who would I rather have the box of Cadbury's Milk Tray, it would clearly be the other person. As long as that is, it's a really small desert island, so the other islander knew it was me who had been gracious enough to give them that happiness in a box.
So maybe here we can define how I'm nutty, I see life as having no purpose. No real meaning or purpose whatsoever. It's not to make the most of something, certainly not any one thing that I am anything of. It's not about reaching a certain destination, because what's the challenge about dying? I mean, it's really easy (not that again I've managed yet, but I'm working on it). So why if life has no purpose do I want to live? It could be bare (bear?) natural instincts that drive me to keep on enjoying life, wantonly, nihilistically (I probably mean hedonistically) or just the fact that I'm enjoying it now more than I ever have before and so until this crescendo descends, I'm going to ride the wave to show my sixteen year old self, that being a self-involved teenage depressive-wannabe was actually all worth it in the end.
Maybe I'm destined to be trapped, happy, never-ending nirvana til everyone else is as happy as me. This is going to be hard. I hope you're feeling happier after reading this blog than before. If not, how can I make you happy? Come on, I need to know, I've got a new life purpose and I'm not going to stop until I can totally fulfill you. Don't even think of doing that yourself when I can save myself from an eternity of happiness and do it for you at the same time.
9 comments:
when I was in a place of meaninglessness, some one told me a story. They were about to quit producing art, they saw no point. One of their friends told them 'please dont, your art means so much to me'. as he considered that he realised that even if he never found meaning in his art, it still had meaning because it was purposeful for other people.
As I considered this story I realised the same thing for my self. I am able to contribute to the world, contribute to others, maybe even to leave a legacy. And even if my nihilistic thinking never goes away, these good things I do will still mean something to others.
The more I contemplated this, the more I found reasons to value my time, and my gifts and my insights. That finding ways to make the world better is inherently valuable.
I hope these thoughts help
Thanks frazer. I agree that finding ways to make the world better is inherently valuable. It's not essential to be inspired before that happens to do it either. It's about creating my own meaning and making my own desert island and finding my own fellow desertees. It is however much easier to do that when it "feels" true. Your friend must have seen his work as worthwhile otherwise he would have viewed his fan as wanting him to continue due to a deficiency of taste.
no... the friend saw the work as valuable because someone else valued it
Buenas buenas, el jake.
Pues me gusto tu escrito... me saco par risas y me puso a pensar un rato.
Pues que te dijera al respecto...
1. Happiness is overrated. Fuck it.
2. Como dice el cantante Charly: "Para aburrirme, prefiero sufrir" (and man... this is so true for so many of us). Lo que en mis palabras tradusco como: es mejor una vida llena de mierda que una vida plana/simple/aburrida.
3. La vida es una sola marea de altibajos.... los cresendos van y vienen... no te aferres tanto.
4. No hay que buscarle la 5a pata al gato como dicen. No le busques tanto significado a la vida... just ride it... and wait to see what happens.... tal vez nada... tal vez mucho... It wont really matter at the end. Wear it out till the end. Its yours... para que desperdiciarlo?
Bueno... no siendo más finalizo diciendo que me gusto saber de ti y que ojala nos veamos en algun punto. Aca estas siempre bienvenido, como sabras.
Un abrazo fuerte y suertes mil por alla tan lejos.
(mi ingles se quedo un poco corto para entender partes de tu escrito... espero que la respuesta no este totalmente fuera de contexto)
julian
I like your writing and I think it is great being nutty as long as it makes you feel as good as James Brown(woooowww). I still wonder why some people still sit down and ask about existance and where we come from and why we are here.... all these things I have not been able to figure out my self. Maybe some people have got too much free time. Thinking kills me, not thinking is fuckin' boring! what a #$"&%/
I thought I was happy, but now I'm even happier knowing that you're happy. Isn't the world a perfect, beautiful place? ...and look, i'm on the internet, all by myself....
Much love,
Rachel x
To frazer: I don't really understand your point, you mean that when the artist found out that someone else valued it they thought it was good but that means that just the interest of someone else is valuable, no matter what the other person thinks. What if that other person was someone who happened to like terrible paintings that were boring and without point. How would that be valuable?
but they aren't boring or pointless to the person who likes them.
Hi Frazer,
Thanks for posting so quickly. I see your point, as long as you're doing something that improves someone elses life thats good. Even if it's Adolf Hitler (boring example i know!) who says, YES, I love that picture it really describes the reason of our struggle. Not everyone's tastes are valuable depending on what aspects of human nature they represent
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