Tuesday, 15 January 2008
Thursday 17th
The world is full of interesting situations. What seems to be most interesting is when things are great then more interesting things happen to you. Like today for example, I was for most of the morning and some of the afternoon quite confused as to why I was so out of sorts. Then I saw some acquaintances who were busy doing things to help with clearing a recently departed protest site. They seemed busy and with things to do. Talking to them made me happy. I then enjoyed a series of enjoyable experiences through this happiness streak. Now speeding along still in the same style but with the happiness, a lingering smell and not the warm blanket, feeling like a red herring, I'm wondering what I'm doing now and whether I should be making myself happy again or doing things to do them.
Monday, 14 January 2008
Why I am nuts
This isn't going to be easy but I'm still decided on doing it. Telling why I am nuts.
For most people saying why they're nuts is about saying how extreme they are. I wish I was extreme. In fact a lot of people also think they're nuts because they're full of deep depressive thoughts that haunt their days and control their nights. However I'm pretty happy and not worried about things longer than it takes me to look at things in their true light and readjust my perspective back to the rose-tinted setting.
Some people think they're nuts because they can't deal with ordinary every-day life which everyone else seems so busy with doing very well and fast. Although this is also true for me I tend to view others who are already more successful than me as high achievers who needed to succeed to make themselves feel good, whereas I'm happy with a choice between two different types of bread for breakfast.
For yet others, being nuts is about doing things for no reason at all. In this definition maybe I can most comfortably reside on my throne of Nuttingdom. I'm obsessed with making myself happy, I mean obsessed. I look for any angle, perspective, route/plan, shortcut, trick, maneuver
to be an inch closer to tingles in my scalp. No matter what it takes. This might seem selfish (it sounds it to me) but I'm also aware that making other people happy makes me happy too. Of course, if it was just me and someone else on a desert island, and who would I rather have the box of Cadbury's Milk Tray, it would clearly be the other person. As long as that is, it's a really small desert island, so the other islander knew it was me who had been gracious enough to give them that happiness in a box.
So maybe here we can define how I'm nutty, I see life as having no purpose. No real meaning or purpose whatsoever. It's not to make the most of something, certainly not any one thing that I am anything of. It's not about reaching a certain destination, because what's the challenge about dying? I mean, it's really easy (not that again I've managed yet, but I'm working on it). So why if life has no purpose do I want to live? It could be bare (bear?) natural instincts that drive me to keep on enjoying life, wantonly, nihilistically (I probably mean hedonistically) or just the fact that I'm enjoying it now more than I ever have before and so until this crescendo descends, I'm going to ride the wave to show my sixteen year old self, that being a self-involved teenage depressive-wannabe was actually all worth it in the end.
Maybe I'm destined to be trapped, happy, never-ending nirvana til everyone else is as happy as me. This is going to be hard. I hope you're feeling happier after reading this blog than before. If not, how can I make you happy? Come on, I need to know, I've got a new life purpose and I'm not going to stop until I can totally fulfill you. Don't even think of doing that yourself when I can save myself from an eternity of happiness and do it for you at the same time.
For most people saying why they're nuts is about saying how extreme they are. I wish I was extreme. In fact a lot of people also think they're nuts because they're full of deep depressive thoughts that haunt their days and control their nights. However I'm pretty happy and not worried about things longer than it takes me to look at things in their true light and readjust my perspective back to the rose-tinted setting.
Some people think they're nuts because they can't deal with ordinary every-day life which everyone else seems so busy with doing very well and fast. Although this is also true for me I tend to view others who are already more successful than me as high achievers who needed to succeed to make themselves feel good, whereas I'm happy with a choice between two different types of bread for breakfast.
For yet others, being nuts is about doing things for no reason at all. In this definition maybe I can most comfortably reside on my throne of Nuttingdom. I'm obsessed with making myself happy, I mean obsessed. I look for any angle, perspective, route/plan, shortcut, trick, maneuver
to be an inch closer to tingles in my scalp. No matter what it takes. This might seem selfish (it sounds it to me) but I'm also aware that making other people happy makes me happy too. Of course, if it was just me and someone else on a desert island, and who would I rather have the box of Cadbury's Milk Tray, it would clearly be the other person. As long as that is, it's a really small desert island, so the other islander knew it was me who had been gracious enough to give them that happiness in a box.
So maybe here we can define how I'm nutty, I see life as having no purpose. No real meaning or purpose whatsoever. It's not to make the most of something, certainly not any one thing that I am anything of. It's not about reaching a certain destination, because what's the challenge about dying? I mean, it's really easy (not that again I've managed yet, but I'm working on it). So why if life has no purpose do I want to live? It could be bare (bear?) natural instincts that drive me to keep on enjoying life, wantonly, nihilistically (I probably mean hedonistically) or just the fact that I'm enjoying it now more than I ever have before and so until this crescendo descends, I'm going to ride the wave to show my sixteen year old self, that being a self-involved teenage depressive-wannabe was actually all worth it in the end.
Maybe I'm destined to be trapped, happy, never-ending nirvana til everyone else is as happy as me. This is going to be hard. I hope you're feeling happier after reading this blog than before. If not, how can I make you happy? Come on, I need to know, I've got a new life purpose and I'm not going to stop until I can totally fulfill you. Don't even think of doing that yourself when I can save myself from an eternity of happiness and do it for you at the same time.
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